way of life, my decision

Don't you sometimes want to change your way of living? Yes, I do and I did change my lifestyle five years ago. To change one's way of living is very difficult indeed and needs calm courage..

One day I said to myself, "Let's have a try, karin." I have done all that I have to do so far. It took me a long, long time to get over my husband's death. I brought up my only daughter by myself who was only six at his father's death. She is now the mother of her two children. I took very good care of my mother, I think, in her later years---17 years until she died quietly and happily. Do I have anything else I have to do? " Nothing. This is the time for me to live for my own sake."

Thus, I suddenly resigned, leaving six more years to retirement. At that time I lived in Niigata City and had my own house. I had never lived in other places besides my birthplace. So I planned to live in a strange place --unfamiliar place to me. I was sorry but I decided to leave my own house empty. My plan was to live in Tokyo for three years, then in Kyoto for three years, then in Sapporo for a few years--- and finally to return to Niigata, my second hometown.

Five years ago I came to Tokyo and began to live in a small apartment, as soon as I resigned. First I intended to live in a larger apartment but I couldn't afford the rent for it. You know the rent in Tokyo is very high.

Anyway, five years have already passed since I came to Tokyo. Now I understand it will be impossible for me to live in Kyoto or Sapporo, because those who don't have earnings can't rent an apartment and owners of apartments do not want to rent them to the aged people.