Can I talk to your dog?"

A ventriloquist visiting Aberdeenshire walks into a small village and sees a local sitting in his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the man

"Can I talk to your dog?"


Villager:

"The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git."

Ventriloquist:

"Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doing all right."

Villager:

(look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist:

"Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist:

"How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Villager:

(look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist:

"Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Villager:

"Uh, the horse doesn't talk either.... I think."

Ventriloquist:

"Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Villager:

(absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist:

"Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist:

"How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Villager:

(total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist:

"Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Villager:

(in a panic) "The sheep's a f***ing liar!"