ケンの話に・・・既に何かと不手際が・・・苦笑。
１０％引きで８００ 3次元ドルって、元値はいくらよ・・・。割れない・・２０％引きにしておけば良かったかも
日本円にすると640円ってのは適当とはいえ一応考えたんだけど・・・１００ 3次元ドルで8０円って。意味は無いけど何となく”８”って数字が頭に浮かんだもので
今後もきっと短い話の割には矛盾が出てくるんだろうな～。長編書いてる本物の作家さんって凄いなあと改めて思うれもンでした
れもンのペンパルのスコットからの返信です。かーなり直されてる＆2箇所通じなかった文章あり・・！さっき、補足説明を送って、ちゃんと言うとどうなるのか質問中です。
Ok, I will do it like last time. Corrections are red.
"Dear me ! " Ken gasped (new sentence). He took an interest in the owner's story. He didn't believe that story , but he was in tune with the owner. (see note 1), ...but in the middle, he felt little bit sleepy. Finally, he was anxious about whether he would be able to go home before (see note 2) dark. Three hours had already passed when the owner started to talk about the country.
Ken glanced at one of the clocks on the shelf and then he noticed a dirty stuffed animal beside the biggest clock. Ken had a feeling the toy's eyes flashed of red like a lightning (see note 3). He rubbed his eyes, " It must be my imagination, just my imagination.." he muttered to himself in a tiny voice.
"I...I found you..., I found a boy who helped us in the end..."
Ken heard a muffled voice. Ken felt scared. (see note 4)
"What?!" Ken asked the owner "You found what ?! Did you say something?? "
The owner grinned meaningfully. He picked the toy up and slipped it into Ken's hand. and he said,"He is Ron. He might want to go together. Ok, I will reduce the price ten percent, It's 800 3-D dollars." He stretched out his hand in front of Ken's face.
"800 what?" Ken yelled.
"I said, it was 800 three-dimensional dollars. Ah-ha, You don't know 3-D dollars, do you?" (see note 5) The owner pulled a drawer and picked a piece of paper out. He looked at (see note 6) it carefully after few minutes he lifted his face and he said " Ah..It's 640 yen. " with his beaming smile. Ken didn't want to buy it, but he thought that he wouldn't be able to go home if he would refuse to buy it. Ultimately he bought the toy named Ron, though unwillingly.
Ken heard a muffled voice. Ken felt scared. (see note 4)
"What?!" Ken asked the owner "You found what ?! Did you say something?? "
The owner grinned meaningfully. He picked the toy up and slipped it into Ken's hand. and he said,"He is Ron. He might want to go together. Ok, I will reduce the price ten percent, It's 800 3-D dollars." He stretched out his hand in front of Ken's face.
"800 what?" Ken yelled.
"I said, it was 800 three-dimensional dollars. Ah-ha, You don't know 3-D dollars, do you?" (see note 5) The owner pulled a drawer and picked a piece of paper out. He looked at (see note 6) it carefully after few minutes he lifted his face and he said " Ah..It's 640 yen. " with his beaming smile. Ken didn't want to buy it, but he thought that he wouldn't be able to go home if he would refuse to buy it. Ultimately he bought the toy named Ron, though unwillingly.
"Hhaa...." Ken gave a sigh again and waved Ron around in front of his face.
"STOP! I feel dizzy ! Stop, Stop please! Stop swinging me!! " the toy shouted (note 7). Ken was very surprised and threw it away. Poor Ron gave a short shriek when he ......(see note 8)"Are you going to kill me?!" Ron shouted and made a dash for Ken, ran up Ken's back, shoulder to head and he looked down Ken's face from Ken's head .
"Do you want to kill me?! " he yelled again with anger.
"No.., I was just surprised..I had no intention at all...." Ken said nervously.
"Ok, ok..I forgive you this time..I am a broad-minded cute boy. I am Ron. You are Ken,aren't' you? Pleasure to meet you, Ken." the creature,(comma) who had white short hair (perhaps white if he washed his body) and only tip of brown long tail said (see note 9). He was about 15 cm tall. He twitched his small round brown ears without a break. He smiled and gazed into Ken's eyes with his red beady eyes and he continued, " Ken, You are my partner right now. Come with me...." Suddenly Ron's eyes sparkled. A strong wind scattered the cherry blossoms all at once and Ken was swallowed up with Ron by a hole of space-time. They vanished away from under the cherry tree . There was Ken's school bag without its owner.(see note 10)
1. "At first, he was enjoyed to hear the odd story". Difficult past-tense verb. You can say it 2 ways. "he enjoyed to hear..." OR "he was enjoying hearing the ...."
2. "before getting dark". As you know, English often calls the weather or nature "it". Example: It is raining. So you can say "...if he would get home before it got dark". But I just wrote "...before dark". Here, "dark" means a time, just like "..before 6:00"
3. "Ken had a feeling the toy's eyes flashed of red like a lightning." Nice description, LeMON. This is not so important to remember, but we use "lightning" to describe all of them, not just one. So it is like a plural (there is no word called "lightnings"). Similar to "rain" and "snow". If you want to describe the single pieces, you say "raindrop", "snowflake", "lightning bolt". So your sentence could say "....the toy's eyes flashed red like lightning"
4. "Ken felt scary" Very common mistake. You are trying to say "Ken felt scared". You would say "the toy is scary". So the source of fear (kyoofu no kongen) (toy, monster, earthquake, etc) is scary. The recipient of fear (kyoofu no uketorinin) is scared. "Ken was scared, because Ron is scary"
5. "You don't know 3-D dollars, don't you?" If you ask a question like this, you must use the opposite (affirmative, negative). Maybe you forgot, because you did it correctly when you wrote "You are Ken, aren't you?". Sorry, I am not explaining well. This type of question is actually a fast way to say 2 sentences
"You don't know 3-D dollars"
"Do you know 3-D dollars?"
Another example
"You can see the boat, can't you?" I say this type of question if I am 90% sure about the first thing in the sentence (I am 90% sure that you can see the boat). But maybe I am wrong, so I ask "can't you?". If I think you probably cannot see the boat, but I am not 100% sure, I will ask "You can't see the boat, can you?"
6. "look". This is a verb that needs a preposition helping word, at
"I looked at my watch." (look at = see)
Here is another use of "look", and it also needs a helping word
"I looked for my watch." (look for = search)
7. "waved Ron around" - good job LeMON, this is a good verb (wave around). You sound like a native English-speaker when you use this verb
8. "...bumped into gnarled of cherry tree and knocked ground." Sorry, I don't understand what you are trying to say. "gnarled" is not a noun. What part of the tree do you mean? Trunk, bark, branch, ?? maybe "....bumped into a cherry tree, and fell to the ground."
9. .."and only tip of brown long tail". Again, I do not understand it. Does he have a white tail with a small bit of brown on the tip?
10. Cool image yo. Maybe a natural-sounding sentence is
"Ken's school bag laid there, without its owner."
WOW, you are becoming such a good English writer LeMON. Please keep going. I am excited to hear what happens to Ken next!
=前回までのアラスジ＝
ケンはルックスは良いけれど、ちょっと（かなり？）なさけない少年。ウワベだけの友達は沢山いるけど親友と呼べるような友達は一人もいない。ある日の熟の帰り道、奇妙な店を見つけて興味本位に店内を覗いていたら、店主に声を掛けられ、店に入る事になる。店内は奇妙なもので溢れていて、反時計回りに時を刻む時計やら、45時間時を刻む時計なんかがある。店主の話によるとその時計は1日が45時間ある国で使われていたものだと言う。
"Dear me ! " Ken gasped, he took an interest in the owner's story. He didn't believe that story , but he was in tune with the owner. At first, he was enjoyed to hear the odd story, but in the middle, he felt little bit sleepy. Finally, he was anxious that whether he would able to go home before getting dark. So, it already passed over three hours when the owner started to talk about the country.
Ken glanced at one of a clocks on the shelf and then he noticed a dirty stuffed animal beside a biggest clock. Ken had a feeling the toy's eyes flashed of red like a lightning. He rubbed his eyes, " It must be my imagination, just my imagination.." he muttered to himself in a tiny voice.
"I...I found you..., I found a boy who helped us in the end..."
Ken heard a muffled voice. Ken felt scary.
"What?!" Ken asked the owner "You found what ?! Did you say something?? "
The owner grinned meaningfully. He picked the toy up and slipt it into Ken's hand. and he said,"He is Ron. He might be wants to go together. Ok, I reduce the price ten percent, It's 800 3-D dollars." He stretched out his hand in front of Ken's face.
"800 what?" Ken yelled.
"I said, it was 800 three-dimensional dollars. Ah-ha, You don't know 3-D dollars, don't you?" The owner pulled out a drawer and picked a piece of paper out. He looked it carefully after few minuites he lifted his face and he said " Ah..It's 640 yen. " with his beaming smiles. Ken didn't want to buy it, but he thought that he won't be able to go home if he would refuse to buy it. Ultimately he bought the toy named Ron with unwillingly.
"Hhaa...." Ken gave a sigh again and waved Ron around in front of his face.
"STOP! I feel dizzy ! Stop, Stop please! Stop to swing me!! " the toy shouted.Ken was very surprised and throw it away. Poor Ron gave a short shriek when he bumped into gnarled of cherry tree and knocked ground.
"Are you going to kill me?!" Ron shouted and made a dash for Ken, ran up Ken's back, shoulder to head and he looked down Ken's face from Ken's head .
"Do you want to kill me?! " he yelled again with anger.
"No.., I was just surprised..I had no intention at all...." Ken said nervously.
"Ok, ok..I forgive you this time..I am broad-minded cute boy. I am Ron. You are Ken,aren't' you? Pleasure to meet you, Ken." the creature who had white short hair (perhaps white if he washed his body) and only tip of brown long tail said. He was about 15 cm tall. He twitched his small round brown ears without break. He smiled and gazed Ken's eyes with his red beady eyes and he continued, " Ken, You are my partner right now. Come with me...." Suddenly Ron's eyes sparkled. A strong wind scatterered the cherry blossoms all at once and Ken was swallowed up with Ron by hole of space-time. They vanished away from under the cherry tree . There was a Ken's school bag without its owner.