feel like being tested by God

 This is crunch time.

 I feel like being tested by the God of football.

 I've been tested by him many times before, and it never makes me feel great. BUT I barely feel that there is something I could be enjoyable in it this time. As a result, wherever it will take me to, I won't mind it because I believe it's the right place I should be now.

 I think you sometimes need to go with the flow and follow your destiny.　It may seem wimpy from one point of view, but I'm not losing my heart.

 And let's see what's happening next.

 

  今、良い感じに試練があります。

　試されている感じ。

　この感じ、今まで幾度と無く経験してきましたが、毎度、毎度もちろん楽ではありません。ただ、結果が自分をどこに連れていこうと、その場所が自分にとって一番今ふさわしい場所だったのだと思えるはずです。

　周りを気にせず、振り回されず、自分のペースで戦っていきます。

　まだチャンスはあると信じています。それをがむしゃらに掴みにいく。

Father's Day

 Father's day.

 It was Father's day the other day. Did you do anything for your Dad? I didn't... I actually have never done anything for my dad on the day. If I make up my mind to do something like giving a present or a gratitude letter to my dad, I'd definitely feel awkward..lol　I can do that to my mum, I guess...

 But this year, The only thing on the day I did to my dad was to send a email with my gratitudes that he (my mum too)has brought me up well, and letting me chase my dream with full of supports.

 I'm still wondering why I could obediently say that now even though I couldn't even imagine that before. To be honest, I can't say that I love the both my mum and dad evenly. I'd rather be on my mum's side than dad's. This comes from the gap of affection and compassion that I received in my childhood from my parents. I know it's not fair for my dad as he was out of the house for work. On the other hand, my mum was also working when I was a kid, but she did house chores and looked after my brother and me as well. But I've gradually realized how much he loves me, and now trying to describe it to us in awkward way since I went out of Japan to AUS in 2008. 

 And he gave me a reply in the next morning, and said ''I almost cried, but thank you.''

 At the next moment. I was naturally brimming with tears in my eyes too. 

 

 

　父。

　先日は父の日でしたね。皆さん何かしましたか？自分は何も特別なことは今までしたことがありません。なんか照れくさいですよね。同じ男なので余計に。

　今年は、そんな父親に生まれて初めて「今までありがとう」と伝えました。メールですが・・・。直接はもうちょっとしっかりしてからにします。それまで元気でいてほしいけど。

　しかし今でも不思議ですが、なぜ今言えたんだろう。正直、母親と同じくらい感謝してるかといえば嘘になる。そこに差をつけてはいけないんだろうけど、接してきた時間や感じた愛情にはどうしても差がでてしまうのはどこの子どもでもあると思います。ただ、ウチの両親ももちろん完璧ではないし、嫌な部分もたくさん見てきたけど、今となってはこの両親でよかったと思っています。でなければ、今までサッカーを続けてこれなかったと心から思うから。

　そして、その後の父親の返信が翌朝返ってきていました。

　「泣きそうになるメールありがとうな」

　柄にもなにのにな、と思いながら自分も自然と笑顔でしたね。