Sometimes, things don't go the way you want. but it's all right.
(物事ってうまくいかないときってあるよね、でも大丈夫。)
Hi, how's goin??
I'm not depressed at all, don't worry.
By the way, maybe some of you guys has already realized that I haven't kept you updated about myself on this blog recently. Of course there are some reasons, but the biggest one is that things don't go the way I want as the title above. As you know, we have some tools called social network especially on internet to let us feel smug in ourselves. For example, I have used my own blog and facebook at the moment, but I think its al about self- satisfaction.
So when things around me don't go well at all, I don't really feel like writing something on my page even if something small good things happen in the meantime. If you are the person who can keep updating about yourself in any cases, you must be a person who have a strong mind and a will that never get upset over anything. That's who I'm going to be some day.
Anyway, I've been looking for a team who I can play next. in this end of the May, my last contract with a team in India was terminated, and I started a team hunting in the end of August again. Despite it has been nearly two months, I haven't found it yet. It's not that easy as I expected. I think almost professional soccer players forced to end their carrers because of their physical or mental problems which can hardly recover, some of them have different reasons, I think, that couldn't find a new team playing for the next season. In this case, they who couldn't overcome themselves are going to choose retirements after all.
That's why I think I'm now standing on a huge tuning point in my life. I feel like being tested on the edge. I really want to get over it. I must make it!!
別に病んでるわけではないですよ。笑
最近このブログを前から読んでくれている人はわかると思うけど、更新頻度が落ちています。色々理由はあるけど、根本はやっぱり何かがうまくいってないときってブログも書けなくなっていく。ブログやFACEBOOKなんかのソーシャルネットワークって言われるモノの根本は自己満足なのがこういう状況になってよくわかる。良いモノ＝薄っすら他人にも自慢したいこと、モノがあると、更新もしたくなるよね。けど、逆もまたある。
けど、うまくいってないときほど、その事を正直に書ける人、他人に恥ずかしげもなく話せる人って逆にすごい強い人やとも思う。それこそ、そんな感情さえも超越してて、絶対に良い事がまたあると自分を信じられる人なんやろうね。そういう人間にいつかはなりたい。何があってもブレないみたいなね。
現在は「蹴活中」といえばいいんかな。今年の５月いっぱいで前所属チームとの契約が切れ、当初はインドでもう１年と思ってはいたものの、日本に戻って、さぁここからインドでもう１年という気持ちにどうしてもなれなかった。自分にしかできない武器があるなら、それを使って挑戦したいと。そう思って動き出してから約２か月。やっぱり甘くはないよね。サッカーの部分ではない色んな自分の知らない壁がそこにあって、踏み込む地、踏み込む地に簡単に跳ね返されてる。けどそれもおもしろい。
なんとか今年中には次の所属先を決めたい。恐らく、こうやって所属先がずっと決まらず、最後は自分の根気が負けてしまって引退・・・ ってのが大半だと思う。今、結構自分の人生の中でも大きな分岐点に立ってる気がする。
今は単純に思うよね、この壁乗り越えてぇ！って。そしたらどんなけ気持ち良いやろうなぁって。