Recently I saw the film "Barbie," which blew my mind. Some scenes made me uncomfortable because they were too harsh, but still, I think the film is extremely honest and a must-see. One of the most impressive scenes was the monologue by Gloria, played by America Ferrera, which goes as follows:
It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.
While listening to her monologue, I couldn't help crying because everything she said was so true, yet I believe no movies have mentioned it before. Since I saw the film, I can't help thinking about why women must deal with these contradictions, which suffocate them. Who made these contradictions in the first place? I mean, was it women themselves, or was it men, or was it God, or was it just women's nature, or maybe all of them? And what should we do about these contradictions? Should we try to solve them as big problems, leave them as they are because there's nothing we can do about them, or ignore them as if there were no such contradictions?
I wouldn't say men never have any contradictions like these. Probably they do, but I think women have been supposed to comfort men's contradictions or even carry them instead of men. In the Japanese language, there is a phrase that goes, "En-no-shita-no-chikaramochi," which means power behind the scenes, and I think women have been the power behind the scenes without being thanked throughout history. Everybody knows it, but no one has tried to fix it.
So, this is my last question for you: If women could be free from these contradictions, would the world be a better place or not?
It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.
While listening to her monologue, I couldn't help crying because everything she said was so true, yet I believe no movies have mentioned it before. Since I saw the film, I can't help thinking about why women must deal with these contradictions, which suffocate them. Who made these contradictions in the first place? I mean, was it women themselves, or was it men, or was it God, or was it just women's nature, or maybe all of them? And what should we do about these contradictions? Should we try to solve them as big problems, leave them as they are because there's nothing we can do about them, or ignore them as if there were no such contradictions?
I wouldn't say men never have any contradictions like these. Probably they do, but I think women have been supposed to comfort men's contradictions or even carry them instead of men. In the Japanese language, there is a phrase that goes, "En-no-shita-no-chikaramochi," which means power behind the scenes, and I think women have been the power behind the scenes without being thanked throughout history. Everybody knows it, but no one has tried to fix it.
So, this is my last question for you: If women could be free from these contradictions, would the world be a better place or not?
