After these words, Shiki wrote that he picked up “Wakana-shu,” a magazine circulated among Kyoshi and his friends, and read the novel in it to laugh. And also he wrote:
―I usually say novels are necessary to human beings. Its saying always comes from my theoretical viewpoint. This is the first time I have directly felt its benefit.―
And the letter is concluded by the following:
―These things should not be said to others so as to avoid their misunderstanding. Yours sincerely―
The doctor whom Shiki consulted at this time was an expert in rheumatism. It seems to be clear that the doctor said the pain didn’t come from rheumatism. But, what was said by the doctor beside that? This point is vague no matter how many times I may read the letter carefully. The doctor might have not said to such an extent that tuberculosis bacilli had begun invading the spinal marrow of Shiki’s body. But, in my guess, the things close to it was said or suggested by the doctor at that time.
Truly, on the same day, there is another letter sent by him to his uncle Ohara Tsunenori. In the letter Shiki notified his uncle of the doctor’s diagnosis results in short, and it didn’t contain Shiki’s emotion toward literature shown in the letter to Kyoshi.
Reading the letter sent to Kyoshi at this time, I understand Shiki’s mental anguish very much. Nevertheless, even in such a hard time, Shiki kept calmness in his mind and never collapsed. What is written at the end of the main text of the letter to Kyoshi was:
― I would like the accompanying text to be read and laughed away.
Yours truly.―
Shiki issued these words considering others’ feeling, which shows his kind character.
Shiki wrote a letter only to Kyoshi except for Ohara Tsunenori at that time. This is a natural thing to Shiki, I think.
と言っている。そして最後に
「右(みぎ)等(ら)の事総(すべ)て俗人に言うなかれ 天機(てんき)遺漏(いろう)の恐れあり あなかしこ」
の言葉で括(くく)られている。
このとき診てもらった医者がリューマチの専門医だから、リューマチではないと言われて、他に何を言われたのか。そこはこの手紙を読んでも判然としない。結核菌が脊髄を侵し始めたのだとまでは言われなかったかも知れない。しかしそれに近いことが言われたか、あるいは示唆されたのだと思われる。
手紙については、実は同じ日付で叔父の大原恒徳にも出している。そして同じく医者の診断結果を伝えている。が、比較的短く事実を淡々と述べているのみで、虚子の手紙にあるような文学への思いを滲ませる内容ではない。
虚子へ出した手紙を読むと、この時の子規の心中の苦痛が伝わってくる。しかしこのときにあっても、子規は冷静さを堅持しており崩れていない。虚子への手紙の本文の末に、
「別紙御一笑(ごいっしょう)に供え候 怱々(そうそう)不一(ふいつ)」
とわざわざ書いているのは、他者への配慮の気持ちからからだと思う。
この時の手紙の相手が、叔父の大原恒徳以外では、虚子であったことは、子規にとっては必然のことだっただろう。
