EIGOBIN 2019(2)

　英語便のサービスのすばらしさについては、これまで何度も紹介してきた。

　https://blog.goo.ne.jp/getupenglish/e/118016f1903282bdf41b84f028f348f6

　この英語便のサービスについて、本日のGetUpEnglishでもご紹介したい。

　宮下奈都『遠くの声に耳を澄ませて』（新潮文庫）の巻頭の一編「アンデスの声」の一節を英訳する機会があった。

　その、キトだ。いつから忘れていたんだろう。長い間、思い出すこともなかった。赤い花の影が脳裏に浮かんでからでさえも、レンゲ草までしか遡ることができなかった。祖父は今、静かに眠っている間にキトで遊ぶことができているんだろうか。それはいいことなのか、さびしいことなのか、私にはわからない。

　わたしは次のように訳した。

That’s what Kito was. When had I forgotten about it? I had not thought of it for a long time. Even when the image of the red flowers had floated up in the back of my mind, I hadn’t been able to go back further than the milk vetch. I wondered if, now in his peaceful sleep, grandfather was being able to have fun in Kito. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a sad thing.

　英語便のネイティブ・スピーカーから以下の修正をいただいた。

That’s what Kito was. When had I forgotten about it? I had not thought of it for a long time. Even when the image of the red flowers had floated up in the back of my mind, I hadn’t been able to go back (→recall) further back than the milk vetch plants. I wondered if, now in his peaceful sleep, grandfather was being able to have fun in Kito. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a sad thing(→Whether that was a good thought or a lonely thought , I didn't know).

　この修正に対して、以下のありがたいコメントもいただいている。

the milk vetch plants : I recommend adding "plans" - I had no idea what "milk vetch" meant as I had never heard it before and I had to look it up! Adding "plants" means that even if the reader has never heard the word before, they can get a general idea that won't interrupt their enjoyment of the story.

「レンゲ草」はmilk vetchでは外国人は理解できないのでplantを入れたほうがいいというsuggestionがとてもありがたい。

I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a sad thing(→Whether that was a good thought or a lonely thought , I didn't know):　This is a personal decision, but putting "...I didn't know" at the end of the sentence makes it feel more immediate, as though the reader is experiencing this confusion together with the author.

  このあたりも日本語の原文のニュアンスを読み取ったうえでのアドバイスで、大変ありがたい。英語便のネイティブは非常に信頼できる。

　https://www.eigobin.com/