I am in only child. So I didn't have to learn how to share too much as I was growing up. When I was little, I used to play @ the park a lot and my mother would always bring a book with her so she doesnt get too bored while im going down the slide thousand times. In old times even if you didnt know the people, you would make friends @ the park very easily. Kids will start asking if you wanna play tag with them, or share a sandbox toy with them, but I wasn't very good @ sharing or competing with others, so i was really shy to play with them.
At that time my mom wouldnt really help me, she will continue to read her book as she sees her pathetic little girl running toward her crying. My mom says "What happend?" Before I could say anything, another girl who is standing behind me with MY toy says " Hello, Aunty (in Jp, we call a friend's mom or middle aged women aunty) this girl is your daughter? I asked her if i could use her toy, and she didnt say anything. and she gave me her toy so i was using it, and then I asked her if she wants to play tag with me, again she didnt say anything and just started crying! whats wrong with her?"
Surprisingly she was as old as i was. My mom says "She is really shy, but its funny that she cries when you asked her to play with you huh, sorry about that" and my mom tells me "GO PLAY WITH HER, SHE IS NICE" and i just say in a littlest voice
" I wanna play here by your side..." my mom was like "here is just a bench, you cant even dig in sand here, its not fun- go play with friends!!! you can meet lots of new friends there" " I dont wanna play with friends. I wanna play with you- here. you can read your book, its okay. Ill just stay here...."
Now i'm a teacher, and i have to teach my kids (students) how to share- and its really really hard. Only child is sooooooooooooo used to being No.1 @ everything and they dont find it easy to share things, or people.
kids with siblings on the other hand, they are always competing. I have two little kids coming to my home for English lesson every week and today they had fight over the color of a cup. A yonger bro. got a blue cup and sis didnt like that, so she started crying even without telling him anything. I thought it was strange since they always talk to each other, yell at each other, grab each other and at the end they solve the problem. Either she was stressed out or tired of fighting, but i felt little bad for her. A kind brother actually swapped his cup with hers quietly as he saw his big sis crying. GOOD MAN. Then i thought, "what is the big deal about the color of a cup?" When do we go over that feeling of "ITS NOT FAIR!!! I NEED A BLUE CUP!" and finally gives in to choose any color of cup? but maybe its a good thing to especially liking something- it might lead to a competitive personality which even results in trying for a new position or reaching more difficult goal in job?
there are so much you can learn by just spending evey day life with your siblings- I felt that especially today- After the lesson, i had called them and sat them down and we had a discussion.
兄弟がいることによって学べることってたくさんあると思う★私は一人っ子だからそう思う。 与えられることが当たり前の世の中じゃないから、戦って競争して、その中で思いやりももって。毎日の生活の中で家庭の中に小さな社会があるわけで兄弟間のやりとりってそういう大人になっても役に立つコミュニケーションを学べると思う。私は今教える仕事をして子どもたちにshareすることを教えるけれど層簡単に子どもは理解しない。ほしいものはほしい、絶対にわけたくない。
そんなことが原因で今日はうちに来る子どもたちはけんかをしてしまったけど毎日の生活のなかで大事なのはそのけんかのあとにちゃんとお話をすることで解決できるかどうか。大人になってもお話はとっても難しいけど、重要なこと。だから、おうちに帰す前にこんなことを話し合いました★
★ we are all friends, and we love each other. We dont need to cry because we didnt get what we wanted. you have a mouth, and you have your words, you can talk to each other to find the better way.
みんな仲良しでいたいよね。大好き同士だもんね。だから、何かがほしいとき、それでけんかになるときなく必要なんかないよ。お口があって、言葉が話せるでしょ。何がほしいのか、どうしたらいいか話し合いで考えよう、いい方法が見つかるからね。
★ If you want to get something, you need to say it. You need to earn it. Things will not given to you, you have to try hard to get it. For example, today was just a cup, Taz got the blue cup first because when I asked the color, he said it out loud "BLUE", if you wanted it, even if it was after he said it you should try saying it- don't give up easily!!
何かを手に入れたい時、かってにそれが手に入ることはないよ。努力をして、頑張って我慢した人にそれは手に入れることができるんだよ。今日はそれがカップだったね。Tazが青いカップを最初に手に入れることができたのはなぜ？それはTazが私が「何色？」と聞いたときに先にblueと大きな声で答えられたね。だからだよ。もし、負けた。と思っても最後まであきらめずにblue! blue! といえばいいよ。途中であきらめて泣いたら絶対に手に入ることはないよね。
★ Let's give ourselves a BIIIIIIIIIIIG HUUUUUUUUUUG :))))))))
じゃぁ、みんな大好きのハグしようか★ おいでーぎゅううううううう
and we were so happy at the end :)
you're really great with kids! i don't think i would be able to be that patient sometimes, especially when i'm in a bad mood. so, thanks again for reminding me that i have to work on that ^_^
btw, have you seen this blog(http://hungryintaipei.blogspot.com/)? i just found it and thought you'd like it :)
Thanx for ur comment and ur compliment it makes me happy :)
btw, i wanna send you 年賀状, would you give me ur mailing address?
azu
Haha, your mom is my mom! I think that's why we feel so comfortable when we are in each others' house. ^_^
It's really hard for the only child, isn't it? I liked to share because I was lonely and wanted friends, but because my heart wasn't strong enough against those other kids, they often bullied me. Even now it's really hard for me to jump out and say what I want to say. I think in Japan that is sometimes a good thing because you can appear humble or mature, but in America, they call you "lazy" or say you don't have the initiative to get your dreams.
When I was a small kid, I couldn't go to daycare because I cried sooooo much. The other kids made me nervous and I felt scared and alone so much that my mom had to take me home early almost every day.
But I think only children are creative because we have to think about how to play by ourselves. We can create a game on our own or make up a story without any others' help. What do you think?
So, you were a shy Youchien girl huh?? i guess you are still a bit shy, but my way to put it is... not "shy" this certain adjective is not the right one to describe you correcty. i would say 上品 sophisticated- like you are well behaived. thats a very good thing. I guess in America it is true about if you dont have a word to say, they will think "so, you got nothing to say? ok, so thats it" - its good and bad. sometimes in Japan everything is so Passive and noone really mentions anything is wrong and i get pissed all the time. BUT minding people's bueinss all the time and complain is also bad. so i guess we have to be "Japamerican"= "ROZUSA" or "AZUBIN" hahaha!!