過去と未来の挟間Gap in Past and Future

家の売買契約書にサインしていたその瞬間

That moment when I signed on the house sales contract

私は全ての過去の出来事は

I thought that all events in my past

全て計算されていて

It has been calculated at all

全て必然的に起きていたと実感した

I felt vividly all happened inevitably

先週の金曜、理想の家を買った

Last Friday, I bought my ideal house

日本で2件の家を買ったことはあるが

I have had purchased two houses in Japan

その時は、踏むべき過程のステップのようだったので

At that time, it seemed like stepping which I should take in a process

それ程、感激したことも無ければ

Neither I was so impressed

着くべき目的地へ到達した実感は持てなかった

Nor actual feeling that I should have reached at a certain goal

だが、今回は自分が長年望んでいたものを

But this time, what I have been wanting for many years

正に手に入れた実感が湧いたののである

Surely, I have got the feeling what I wanted

去年、夫の古い家に住み始めてから

Since I started to live at my husband old house last year

彼の家を改造して住もうと

I tried to live in his house by remodeling

増築工事の見積もりを依頼したことがあった

So, I asked for estimate to build additional reconstruction

その時、訳も分からない閉じこもっていくような

At that time, such feelings like getting to shut down with no reasons

未来の時間がこの古い家の中に閉まっていくような

As if the future time is going to be stuck at his old house

未来が次々と閉ざされていく感覚があった

I have had those senses that my future will be closed one after another

結局、増築は予算を遥かに超える費用がかかることから

After all, I found that the house remodeling and extension

-will cost far more than the budget

新しい家を買う決断を固めた切っ掛けになった

So, it was trigged to decided firmly buying a new house

その後から売りに出ている家を見に行っても

Since then we went to see houses which were on sale

これだという感覚が持てなくて

I couldn’t feel like this is it

未来が曖昧になっていくような

不確かな感じがあった

I felt like uncertainty as if

-my future is going to ambiguous 

だが、コネチカット州、グランビーにある

However, the house in Granby, Connecticut

今の家を始めて見た瞬間

The moment when I first saw the house

私は次という言葉が消えてしまった感じがあった

I had the feeling that the word of NEXT was faded out

その夜、夫と私はその家を買うかどうかを投票した

That night, my husband I voted whether we buy the house or not

結果は二人ともYESであった

Both of us voted for YES

その瞬間、心の中の疑問が消え

At that moment, doubting was gone in my mind

未来のドアが開いたような感覚があった

I had sense that the door to the future was opened

昨日、新しい家の前庭に座って

Yesterday, I sat at front yard in my new house

ここまで到達するためにかかった時間を考えた

I thought about the time taken to reach for that moment

その時、全ての経験は全て必然的に

At that time, all I have experienced were inevitable results

何者かによって計画され

Also, it was planned by someone

その瞬間のために一秒のズレも無く

Without any of secondary gaps for the moment

完璧に予想されていたかのように思えた

It seemed like perfectly predicted

理想が現実になった瞬間

The moment when an ideal became real

過去の時間は未来の時間にリンクされ

-the past time is linked to the future time

二つの時間の川を渡る橋になる

-and became the bridge to across river of two time zones

理想が叶ったその瞬間

The moment when an ideal became true

全ての空間はあるべきものとして定着し

All space settled as they should be

走っていた心がやっと止まる

-running mind stops at last

全ての浮遊物が地上に下りて根を張る

-all floating subjects descended to the ground and rooting  

理想が本物になった瞬間

The moment when an ideal became genuine

過去が清算されて

-the past has been liquidated

払った努力がお釣りになって返ってくる

-the efforts which have paid is refund as the change

飲んできた苦い苦労が

-the bitter suffering which have been drinking up

心を癒した薬になっていたことが分かる

-can be found it became medicine that healed mind

なぜ私はひたすら努力してきたかが分かる

Learned that why I have been making efforts in my way

お金で幸せは買えない

Happiness cannot be purchased by money

だがお金で幸せになる可能性は買える

But can buy the possibility to be happy with money

お金は理想の家を現金で買えた即決性もくれる

Money gave me quickness which could buy the house in cash

だが、この理想が実現された時から

However, from when the ideal became reality

心持によって、不幸せにさせる可能性も発生する

By the way how to be minded

-caused the possibilities to be unhappy

幸せと不幸せ、その挟間にには

Happiness and unhappiness, in between those gaps

理想への追求、その瞬間瞬間があるかも知れない

-there must be moment and moment

-which to be pursued to an ideal