What to watch and support me behind in my life
Have you ever noticed, without consciousness, to stop your action and refrained from doing it? You could not do at that time even if you wanted to do it. It's not the case that you think in advance and calmly act, but situation where you intuitively want to stop. When you want to buy and see something, you feel to stop getting it now, as if you are stopped by someone. Of course, at that time, there was not a situation that took trouble to others or had no money for getting it. On the other hand, sometimes you bought a book or a product impulsively without thinking about it. What is it that makes decision without your consciousness when you want it?
I think about it, there is something that is quietly observing behind consciousness, about all things that I need or should do in my life, and makes me respond without realizing it. Here, I don't mention the case of the left and right part of the brain which is an intuitive thinking against a logical brain area. I feel like that there is something that accompanies and watches over my life. Looking back on my past, there were not only good things but so bad things for me, and they make me feel various colors of my life. Sometimes, I had made a vague choice rather than a clear judgment when I stood at a crossroads in my life. I had felt pessimistic about what my life meant. At that time, I realize that there was something that makes me try to think without my notice. It's as if a personality that suggested me without my consciousness. It's not as exaggerated as bringing my own life itself. Being with myself, it gives me suggestions such as restraint and promotion on some occasions, and implicitly support me.
Looking back on life, there is a body that is focused on living, and one's consciousness that is thinking about various things there. Behind that consciousness, I feel that there was something that wouldn't normally interfere, but would reach out in case of trouble. Not only do I receive what I see and hear with my own consciousness, but I feel nervous and impressed from within. The sensation that arises from it is not an automatic response to the information of the sensory organs, but there is an internal active one that creates a sense of tension regardless of the object outside. It's not about being trapped in my own preconceptions, it's something that goes beyond the boundaries and feels intuitive.
On the other side of what I am aware of, there are actions that I am not involved in making decisions, and there is a way to go unconsciously. There is some thing that works actively from the inside, and it makes me think about what to do in the conflict that I have convinced myself. It makes it possible to recognize the real world by struggling with the limits that I have created. To imagine that, I assume an immaterial existence that is associated with life. It may not depend on three-dimensional matter because it transcends time and space.
An organism, one closed mass, is focused on living. Organisms, whether conscious or unconscious, respond with the utmost resistance if they have difficulty in continuing to live. The resistance, including plants, animals and insects, is mediated by the will to live, it is not a material thing. A human with a well-developed cerebrum can acquire the functions of language and thinking, reflect on himself with own consciousness, and give meaning to his actions. What's more, in the world within the framework of the objective that humans created, there is something that will lead us to life, and it is supported by the moral and ethical suggestions necessary to live. We can stay before we fall into a dangerous situation.
What's behind me never comes forward, and it doesn't push me away from me as the subject. I feel that it supports me in case of emergency and helps me without notice its existence. The judgment for both material and spiritual needs is left to me in my real life, although I have the necessary assistance inside. I feel that the world I am walking in is fixed because of the support within in the relationship between my destiny and my consciousness to live.
I think there are two types of actions. One is that I find myself reluctant to take action, even if it is great interest to me. On the other hand, I have started to act and to do my best without thinking too much. Is the difference here just a difference in the strength of desires or interest in the objects? The motives may be formed by mental actions such as my personality and taste, but I think I can assume some thing makes me do it and it supports behind me. It's not a material being, it's like watching over my life, not manipulating myself behind the scenes.
I have managed to spend my life so far because of some kind of support from behind, I cannot help to thank my destiny. I feel like I'm relying on something other than myself, but I'm the one who actually judges and acts, and I'm responsible for my life. It is not due to the function of the brain in my own consciousness, but an external stimulating sensation of one-sided dialogue from some existence. It will not respond even if I expect it, but it is a reliable existence that I can move forward with peace of mind. It may be better to think about it as a notice from my destiny.
Written by Ichiro, 04/22/2022,
