将人のお正月も終わった。転職したおかげで時間が自由になり、今年は6年ぶりに将人とじっくり過ごし、ほぼ２週間べったりできた。行きたくても行けなかった所を次々言うのでかたっぱしから行ってみた。ただし、時間はこっちの都合で我慢させた。すると、待てた。大体、朝は自宅で過ごし、15時くらいから出発した。出先ではよく抑制が効いていて、特にパニックになることもなかった。海ほたる、成田空港、昔住んでいた越谷、春日部の健康ランド、喫茶店、本屋、などなど。
Our new year week has finished. Owing to my work change, I have had enough time to be with Masato for whole of the 2 weeks, which I could not have for 6 years. We have visited many places that he wanted to go to, reflecting upon his patience at the staying facilities on ordinary weekdays. However I did not get controlled by him especially about the starting time. He did have the patience for that. On average we enjoyed the stay at home in the morning, starting about at 15:00. He did not make any particular panics or troubles on the visiting places. I am very happy he had good self-control. The firefly at Tokyo bay aqualine, Narita international airport, the family hot spring centers which are at Kasukabe or Koshigaya where we lived before.
自分にとってもいい子供帰りが出来た。将人は、先日の療育手帳再判定の際の知能検査では３歳児レベルなんだそうだ。子供を育てることで親も成長すると聞くが、うちの場合は2人揃って成長が止まっている？ 他の親御さん方を見ていて本当にそう思う。よく言えば、ピュア、悪く言えば単純、素朴、愚直。
I enjoyed the infantile regression in a good meaning. At the revaluation of his rehabilitation certificate, he was diagnosed as 3 year-old boy in terms of Intellectual growth. I hear we grow as we raise our children. I think we are retarded, including me. I truly feel it, seeing other parents. Pure, and also simple, rough, foolishly honest.
手に入れるものは入れたし、獲得できなかったものは自分には縁がなかったのだと諦め切れる年齢になったと思う。次の人生、つまり、また生まれ変わってからやればいいのだと自分に言い聞かせることもできるようになった。将人にも、もう今以上、期待することもないし、入所施設で既にお世話して頂いている。私の身に何かあってもなんとかなる体制にはなった。他の親御さんのように、子供の結婚、先方のご両親との交流等で頭を痛める必要もないわけだ。自分も定年となり、バイトはしているものの、働く必要も本当はあまりない。年金が出るまでの、つなぎのお金くらいは蓄えがある。人生が一段落ついた感じだ。
I have got what I could get. About what I could not get, I have become ready to satisfy myself that they are beyond me. I can now convince myself that I will be able to get them in the next world if I could be born again. Masato has already grown enough for my satisfaction. He lives already at the facility where he can stay long even if I die. I don't have any worries about his marriage or how to communicate with our new relatives of daughter-in law, like the other fathers. Frankly speaking, I don't have to work anymore now after the retirement, although I work sometimes as a part-time job. I have some money before I get at the age when I can get pension. I feel that we have reached the hill-top of the life, where we can take a rest and make a plan for the future.
後は、将人のためになるべく長く生きることが最重要だ。健康と自由、コミニュケーションだろう。出来れば、これまでご支援頂いた世間様に何かいい事が出来ないかと思う。将人と以前した、道のごみ集めもいいと思う。
Now the most important thing is that I should survive or live long as long as I can for Masato. Health, freedom and communication are the keywords for us. I think I would like to do something for the world that we have been cherished by and supported by. It is a good volunteer working to pick up garbage on the road-sides, which we have done at his 1st junior high school student.
