Japanese husbands say 'I love you'

1月31日CNN HPより抜粋。

Mitsutoshi Fukatsu has been with his wife for three decades, but their lives have grown apart. As a busy station master in central Japan, he returned home only to eat, bathe and sleep.

Now with retirement looming, the 56-year-old wants to get to know his wife better. He's helping with chores, calls his wife by her name Setsuko -- instead of just grunting -- and he recently learned a new phrase: "I love you."

Fukatsu is one of a small but growing group of men who took part in Japan's second annual "Beloved Wives Day" on Wednesday in hopes of salvaging their marriages by doing something unusual -- pay attention to their wives.

"For about a year now, I've been starting to help out with the housework," Fukatsu said. "I can't stay at my company for ever. I have to return home. But right now, I don't feel like I have a place there."

Last year, a new group for men called the Japan Adoring Husbands Association designated January 31 as a day for husbands to return home at the unusually early hour of 8 p.m., look into their wife's eyes, and say, "Thank you."

The movement, though small -- about 230 people have posted messages on the group's Web page about this year's event -- represents quite a change for a generation of Japanese men taught to consider their companies first and their wives much later.

On Wednesday, the village where the association is based held a renewal of vows ceremony for a local 50-something couple and handed out prizes to three men as the best "doting husbands" -- before sending them home to spend some quality time with their beloved.

The reasons for the movement are many.

This year, the first of Japan's postwar baby-boom generation will reach 60 and retire, meaning an unprecedented number of men will have to abandon their home-away-from-home -- the all-consuming office -- and spend more time with their spouses.

There are financial reasons as well. An impending law change that gives housewives a bigger share of their spouse's pension could trigger a surge in divorces among older couples, as women frustrated with years of neglect take the money and run.

These are tough times for Japanese marriages.

60 percent increase in divorce
Japan's divorce rate is a relatively low 2.08 per 1,000 couples, but the number of splits has increased more than 60 percent since 1985 to 261,917 in 2005, according to government statistics.

Older couples are prime movers in the trend. Divorce among those married for more than 20 years has grown the fastest, nearly doubling since 1985 to over 40,000 couples in 2005 -- with separation more likely to be initiated by women, leaving their exes to face a lonely old age in a country where the average male lifespan is over 78, one of the world's longest.

"Many older married women have built up frustration over the course of their marriage. Once children become independent and wives get more free time, they start wondering: 'Am I happy with this life?"' Atsuko Okano, a Tokyo-based divorce counselor, writes on her Web site.

Adoring Husbands Association member Sadao Ito, 67, wishes he had been more sensitive to his wife's feelings. She left him seven years ago, just as he was facing retirement from a busy office job in the northern city of Sendai.

"She took care of me so well. She made me breakfast every day, and did all the housework. But I never did anything in return," he said.

Ito now acts as a volunteer adviser to the association, which was founded in 2005 in Tsumagoi village, north of Tokyo. He often gives the local chapter's 20 members advice on how to avoid his mistakes.

"Repent, repent, repent. That's what I do every day," Ito said in a phone interview. "My wife didn't take a single family album with her. I realized then that I had driven her away."

The association offers five golden rules for a happy marriage, such as asking about a spouse's day, expressing gratitude as often as possible and "swallowing your embarrassment and pride." The group held "Beloved Wives Day" last year for members, but opened it this year to a nationwide audience for the first time.

Tsumagoi village, whose name sounds like the words "wife love" in Japanese, has also recently started to market itself as a romantic destination for married couples.

Last year, it invited couples to an event called "Shout Your Love from the Middle of a Cabbage Patch" -- where husbands took turns hollering romantic messages against a backdrop of Tsumagoi's wide-open fields. About 100 people turned up.

That was where the soon-to-retire Fukatsu said "I love you" to his wife -- for the first time. The father of two daughters still living at home practiced for the big moment by repeating the phrase 20 times.

"I had never told Setsuko I love her -- not like that. But now I want to say it more often ... It feels nice," he said.

Setsuko Fukatsu appreciates the new attention.

"In the end, the children will leave and have their own families, so the two of us need to live a happy and a healthy life together," she said. "And I'm sure my husband will help me out with that."

---
私の妻が朝食を作ってくれたのは、結婚して半年だけ。
朝食は、コンビニで買った100円のおにぎりを歩きながら食べている。
熟年離婚して困るのは、妻の方だ。