Lobster Tale

A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that correct?"
"Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today."
"Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails."
"No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster."
"Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails -- and a little bit tough?"
"No," she said, "it's the really big red lobster."
"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed.
"They must be old lobster tails!"
"No, they're definitely today's."
"Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?" he repeated, astounded.
"Yes," she insisted.
"Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one."
She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster..."
英語は聴き取りだけではなく、スペルも重要だという尾話。

Pondering the Imponderable

What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

bone in my leg

Reader's Digest ９月号の記事 Like My Father Always Said ...に出てきた表現です。
Any time you asked my father to do something he didn't want to do, He'd say, "I'm afraid I can't do that. I've got a bone in my leg."
何かしたくない時の言い訳で "I've got a bone in my leg" とは？　足に（手も）骨があるのは当たり前なので何でこんな表現が使われるのか不思議です。辞書で分かるでしょうか？
・Wiktionary: (Britain, informal) Used as a fatuous excuse to avoid doing something "Jimmy. Run along to the shop and get some potatoes.""No, I can't. I've got a bone in my leg."
使い方は分かりましたが、何故この表現ができたのか分かりません。インターネットで調べると、祖父がよく使っていたとか、聞いた事があるとか書かれていますが、由来についての説明は見つかりませんでした。しかし、私の推測ですが、これは "have a bone in my throat" (・Oxford English Dictionary: Lose one’s voice or find it hard to speak because of hoarseness.)から派生したと思われます。
根拠としては Dictionary of Phrase and Fable の "Bone in my Throat" の項に次の例文があります。
I have a bone in my throat. I cannot talk; I cannot answer your question.
I have a bone in my leg. An excuse given to children for not moving from one’s seat Similarly, "I have a bone in my arm,” and must be excused using it for the present.
日本人としては魚の小骨が喉に引っ掛り、話ができないのはよく分かりますが、足に骨があって走れない、それで何もできないことの理由になるのは子供でも納得できそうにありません。

onesie

今日の単語も最近の若者文化についての記事 Everyone's a Star からです。
It's a community of peers, much like the underground press was in the 1970's, but without an editor. It's a free platform on which artists, actors, activists, the maker of cake pops and the knitters of onesies can exhibit their.
"onesies" が知らない単語ですが、"knitters of" とあるので、衣類だろうと予想できます。ワンピースの一種でしょうか？　辞書を見ます。
・Wiktionary:
1. (US) A one-piece garment for an infant or small child, generally worn over a diaper.
2. One-piece adult loungewear jumpsuit.
3. One-piece fashionable streetwear worn mostly by teenagers.
・Wikipedia: An infant bodysuit is a garment designed to be worn by infants much like a T-shirt; they are distinguished from T-shirts by an extension below the waist, with snaps or Velcro that allow it to be closed over the crotch. The purpose of the opening at the crotch is to facilitate access to the infant's diaper. Like T-shirts, infant bodysuits come in a wide variety of designs and may be worn as undergarments or as outer shirts. Other names include Onesies (a registered trademark often used in the United States as if it were generic; see below), creepers, diaper shirts, babygro, babygrow, mameluco or snapsuits.
記事中の "onesies" は恐らくWiktionaryの3番目の意味で使われていると思いますが、商標の "Onesiesonesies" はあれの事かと想像できました。

lumber

"vlogger" が沢山出てきたRDの記事 Everyone's a Star から今日も引用します。
Swedish gamer PewDiePie, YouTubu's most popular star, has more than 30 million subscribers and his most popular video has clocked up around 60 million viewers. By comparison, 8.1 millon "legitimate viewers" watched the record-breaking fifth season finale of Game of Thrones and roughly 1.5 millon tuned into the 2015 MTV Movie Awards. Traditional TV stations, managed by lumbering hierarchies, can't compete with YouTube's immediacy and intimacy.
MTVよりYouTubeを見ている若者の方が圧倒的に多いと言う事ですね。ところで、恐らく自分もら長い間 "lumbering hierarchies" の組織で働いてきたと思いますが、この "lumber" の意味を確認します。
・Oxford English Dictionary: Move in a slow, heavy, awkward way: a truck filled his mirror and lumbered past
・Cambridge English Dictionary: to move slowly and awkwardly: In the distance, we could see a herd of elephants lumbering across the plain.
・Vocabulary.com: Do you move clumsily, heavily and slowly, without a shred of grace? Then it sounds like you might lumber. Sorry to hear that.
Lots of other words and phrases are associated with our friend lumber. Particularly large or tall people are almost inevitably said to lumber, as the common phrase "lumbering giant," attests. You never hear of a tip-toeing giant, but some of them must. Lumberjack, meaning someone who cuts down trees, is another. Often lumber, in the sense of planks of wood, is interchangeable with the word timber.
確かに組織は大きい程動きが鈍い傾向はありますね。また歳をとると動きが遅くなるのも確かです。私も先日の10kmランで危うく１時間を超すところでした。

vlogger

Reader's Digest ９月号のEveryone's a Starの記事で "vlogger" と言う新語を知りました。
All aspiring vloggers (video bloggers) need is a smart phone or a camera with video capability, and a simple edit program like iMovie.
...
Pentland and Burr are two of Britain's star vloggers. They post intimate chats, bringing their cameras (and thus their viewers) along on reassuringly ordinary days as well as special occasions, sharing tips on make-up, cooking or self-esteem.
意味は括弧書きで説明されているので分かりますが、辞書にこの新語が掲載されているか調べます。
・Oxford English Dictionary: A blog in which the postings are primarily in video form: you can add travel vlogs to the growing list of travel-related material popping up on the Web
・Wiktionary: A contributor to a vlog. vlog: A weblog using video as its primary presentation format
・Urban Dictionary: One who records a video blog. A vlog or video blog is a blog (short for weblog) which uses video as the primary content: I record a video diary and put it on the web - I'm a vlogger!
まだ取り上げていない辞書が多い様ですが、インターネットの時代なので上記の辞書の様に既に "vlogger" を採用している辞書も幾つかありました。

Puns

駄洒落を三つ。 分かり易いように駄洒落の個所は太字にしました。
Hospital taking too long to get a new cornea for my missus. I need a faster wife-eye provider.

Tightrope walkers aren't born with instincts to walk across any kind of rope. They must be taut.

The inventor of the atomiser has died. He will be mist.