Hello Rio,
A couple of days have passed since I heard about your death from your mother. Since I have lived my life for so many years without seeing you, I am leading my life the same way now even after knowing your death; working from 8:30 to 17:15 working on the documents and attending the meetings, etc., just as if nothing happened. Coming back from work, I cook a meal and eat it and go out for jogging. I’m spending a day the same way I have been doing for over twenty years here in Miyazaki. Did I forget you and the fact that you died a couple days ago? No way. Spending the day the same way does mean I am oblivious of you and the fact that you are no longer with me in this world has changed my life in some way. In what way? Hard to describe. When your face and some of the memories I cherish come to mind, I cannot help crying out loud even when I am jogging. So far, no one has seen me doing that, so I am all right. After all, life goes on and we cannot escape from that crude reality.
Your funeral day seems to have been delayed a couple of days, according to your mother. No autopsy, Rio. Luck you! But they are now checking you whether you have been infected with the new coronavirus. Upon finding out you are not infected, you will be brought to the funeral home, when the memorial ceremony will be held. It appears that the first twenty minutes or so, you will be with your girlfriend alone. Then your mother will read a mantra or whatever with prayer. Be patient, Rio. I know you’ve had it, but this is the last time you will hear it, so just lay still and let the time go by. I didn’t know that you wanted your favorite knife on your chest in your coffin. You really loved that knife, didn’t you? I’m wondering where the rest of your knives are now? You got only one knife after all? When you were with me here in Miyazaki, you had a few knives. So, I thought you still had multiple knives. You may have put them somewhere in your apartment and they might not be found forever. That is a shame, but it cannot be helped.
Your mother talked to your girlfriend again visiting your apartment. She found that you had some good friends in Canada who helped you a lot in many ways including pushing you to break a relationship with a drug. I didn’t know that you were rendered help from those people when you were homeless. Homeless? You didn’t tell me such a thing when you called me from Canada. I clearly remember that moment when you started to speak to me in a small voice and eventually broke into tears. I couldn’t resist crying when I heard you sobbing over the phone. I had never heard you cry before, and that was the only time I heard you cry. That scene is fixed in my mind and I will never forget it. Sorry, I got sidetracked. Some of your ashes will be sent to some of your friends in Canada, Rio, as you wished, and they will be sprinkled over the river in Canada. Is that what you wanted? Right? That will be done, so no worries. I have heard about your favorite stuffed animal laid side by side your girlfriend’s. That is cute, and that reminds me of the white bear I still have here in my bedroom. That bear is what you brought here from Canada. Remember? I will take good care of it with your memory. Because of such a kind nature in you, all the people who knew you loved you and there was none who disliked you, which was what your mother heard from your girlfriend. I was so happy to hear that, Rio. Despite a lot of hardship you had to undergo, you have grown to be a likable person and in fact, loved by all the people who happened to be around you. That is something I am really proud of, Rio. You would have been loved by a lot of people more if you were alive. That is a big shame, Rio. You have been gone too soon. You didn’t live for even half of my life. You should have been more careful in treating your life or your body.
While I was jogging tonight, I went to the rice field nearby to see if I can find some firebugs. Now is the time the firebugs are born out of the ground and started to fly around. Every year, I am looking forward to seeing them fly and today, I have found 14 firebugs! I wished we, you and I, could see them together here with smiles on our faces. That is no longer possible, physically, but I know for sure that when I seen them if I picture you in my mind, you will be with me side by side enjoying the firebugs with a big smile on your face. Picturing that scene has just caused me to cry with tears, so I stop there tonight. Sleep tight, Rio, and be prepared for your funeral day. I love you, my dearest son. I love you…
To my son, Rio,
From Your DAD
A couple of days have passed since I heard about your death from your mother. Since I have lived my life for so many years without seeing you, I am leading my life the same way now even after knowing your death; working from 8:30 to 17:15 working on the documents and attending the meetings, etc., just as if nothing happened. Coming back from work, I cook a meal and eat it and go out for jogging. I’m spending a day the same way I have been doing for over twenty years here in Miyazaki. Did I forget you and the fact that you died a couple days ago? No way. Spending the day the same way does mean I am oblivious of you and the fact that you are no longer with me in this world has changed my life in some way. In what way? Hard to describe. When your face and some of the memories I cherish come to mind, I cannot help crying out loud even when I am jogging. So far, no one has seen me doing that, so I am all right. After all, life goes on and we cannot escape from that crude reality.
Your funeral day seems to have been delayed a couple of days, according to your mother. No autopsy, Rio. Luck you! But they are now checking you whether you have been infected with the new coronavirus. Upon finding out you are not infected, you will be brought to the funeral home, when the memorial ceremony will be held. It appears that the first twenty minutes or so, you will be with your girlfriend alone. Then your mother will read a mantra or whatever with prayer. Be patient, Rio. I know you’ve had it, but this is the last time you will hear it, so just lay still and let the time go by. I didn’t know that you wanted your favorite knife on your chest in your coffin. You really loved that knife, didn’t you? I’m wondering where the rest of your knives are now? You got only one knife after all? When you were with me here in Miyazaki, you had a few knives. So, I thought you still had multiple knives. You may have put them somewhere in your apartment and they might not be found forever. That is a shame, but it cannot be helped.
Your mother talked to your girlfriend again visiting your apartment. She found that you had some good friends in Canada who helped you a lot in many ways including pushing you to break a relationship with a drug. I didn’t know that you were rendered help from those people when you were homeless. Homeless? You didn’t tell me such a thing when you called me from Canada. I clearly remember that moment when you started to speak to me in a small voice and eventually broke into tears. I couldn’t resist crying when I heard you sobbing over the phone. I had never heard you cry before, and that was the only time I heard you cry. That scene is fixed in my mind and I will never forget it. Sorry, I got sidetracked. Some of your ashes will be sent to some of your friends in Canada, Rio, as you wished, and they will be sprinkled over the river in Canada. Is that what you wanted? Right? That will be done, so no worries. I have heard about your favorite stuffed animal laid side by side your girlfriend’s. That is cute, and that reminds me of the white bear I still have here in my bedroom. That bear is what you brought here from Canada. Remember? I will take good care of it with your memory. Because of such a kind nature in you, all the people who knew you loved you and there was none who disliked you, which was what your mother heard from your girlfriend. I was so happy to hear that, Rio. Despite a lot of hardship you had to undergo, you have grown to be a likable person and in fact, loved by all the people who happened to be around you. That is something I am really proud of, Rio. You would have been loved by a lot of people more if you were alive. That is a big shame, Rio. You have been gone too soon. You didn’t live for even half of my life. You should have been more careful in treating your life or your body.
While I was jogging tonight, I went to the rice field nearby to see if I can find some firebugs. Now is the time the firebugs are born out of the ground and started to fly around. Every year, I am looking forward to seeing them fly and today, I have found 14 firebugs! I wished we, you and I, could see them together here with smiles on our faces. That is no longer possible, physically, but I know for sure that when I seen them if I picture you in my mind, you will be with me side by side enjoying the firebugs with a big smile on your face. Picturing that scene has just caused me to cry with tears, so I stop there tonight. Sleep tight, Rio, and be prepared for your funeral day. I love you, my dearest son. I love you…
To my son, Rio,
From Your DAD
