Mari

I saw Mari, the Japanese friend who has been living in Toronto for about 3 years.
I first met her in Focus on Speaking, the full time ESL course at University of Toronto, last year.

She is sort of unique. Hard to explain but she is, say, ultimately self-paced.
She has been here in Toronto for 3 years nearly without purpose. Well, she does have some short term plans but, seems to have no broad view about the future. Now she is going to enter the University from January with, seemingly, nothing to pursue. … If I were her, I wouldn’t go to the University. I cannot see anything worthy there..
I don’t know about her age but obviously, she needs to consider everything much more seriously.. This is what part of me thinks of her.

The other part of me sort of envies her though.
I used to quite like her. When I stayed in Australia 6 years ago, I enjoyed from moment to moment, not thinking about the future. I was OK, you know. Young people tend to think of themselves invulnerable. I was not exceptional.
I see previous myself in Mari.
I feel secure with Yoshi, my husband. But I feel like I am in a birdcage looking in the sky sadly. I grew older and I don’t feel invulnerable about myself anymore. I cannot dare myself doing something risky. She is still doing.

I don’t know what I really want. I am happy being with Yoshi and having my life with him.
I sincerely wish Mari good luck. She is still running and I feel her carrying my old days.