silly me

March 25, 2013 

Hi,

It is getting warm and cherry blossoms have been coming out. Time for some outing, no?

I am not sure if I can explain correctly but, anyway I will try. Can you please ready to understand what I try to say? Of course you are free to be against my opinions but hopefully be open-minded.

I think I have had extremely low self-esteem for a long time. I was an optimistic girl when I was little. I experienced quite a few events which meant huge for me. I weathered them but they left quite a lot of burdens on me. After a long time the optimistic me has gone to somewhere and only worrisome me left.

I have been trying to get more confident. I have achieved quite a lot and now I think I can do better than old me and other people around me. However, I am not confident yet. I didn't know why but whatever nicely I do, I am still nervous about the stuffs I cannot do "perfectly". 

I had some trouble in relationship at work last year. I was so confused. I had totally no idea why I was treated like that. The harder I tried to fix it, more harsh my co-workers became on me. I quit it eventually and now half a year passed. I realized that it was my pessimistic, almost slavish attitude that caused the trouble. ... Well the attitude was actually objectively improper that should be ashamed of if they were sensible enough.  But that is not the point. There are tons of people out there and everybody is imperfect including myself. Everyone has pros and cons.

So the important thing is, I realized, to regain self-esteem. 

The way I was doing was not good enough because I was always comparing me with someone else. I was always checking if I was doing right using other people's opinion. Other people mean noghting. 

Last year at work, I should have stood up and insisted a bit more on my opinions. 

And actually It was not only at work but at home too.

My husband is a capable, talented and humorous person and he knows it himself so he is very confident. But, regrettably, he is not thoughtful or honest. Well, he may be thoughtful but .. yeah ..., in a "selfish" way. He always thinks that I am helplessly incapable that he must lead me always. Tt sounds nice? Yeah, it might be, but for me it has just sounded like "you are worthless." I felt like he denied all of me. I felt sad and lonely because my loved one didn't need who I am. He needed me to be what he thinks I should be. I felt my identity was ignored. I was so lonely. I still am.

We have been married for 10 years now. I found that he didn't mean to ignore me but he was just immature. He has been just trying to beat me in quarrels. There was no meaning in his thoughtless words but, now I know, he was just way too competitive.

The important thing, once again, is not to spend my precious time and energy on meaningless quarrels and relationship. I have spent my 10 years on them. I was so silly but I think I needed the 10 years to realize this.

I will never be a slave to someone. I will fight back if someone comes and pisses on me! 

食品衛生管理者

Sat, February 21, 2013 

 

I took a lecture class for  食品衛生管理者 - food sanitation supervisor today.

It is one of the licenses nationally approved. Having which you can open a cafe, restaurant and so on where food is served.

Owning a cafe is one of my dreams. I don't have a detailed plan yet but with this license I will be able to open it whenever I want, ... well, whenever I become rich enough to open it! Heh, heh.

There was no exam for the license. Just being present at the lectures a whole day let you have it. Easy! I should mention this, it costed 8,000 yen though, including text books and a license plate and card. 

Trip to Hakone

February 14 - 16, 2013  ///

 

Yoshi, Jack and I have been to Hakone, one of the most famous hot-spas in Japan!

Unfortunately the weather didn't come out well but it didn't really a matter. We have been there for hot-spa to bathe! (Except for Jack ... dogs were not allowed at any hot-spa...)

Day 1, we went to Owakudani, the spectacular volcanic place where you can see sulfuric steaming gas come out everywhere. The gas is toxic so you should be careful not to stand still for a too long time. We were going to take a photo or two before the fume of hell but as soon as we arrived at the place Jack smelled it and got panicked. He kept shivering and tried to run away. So we had to get out of the place immediately... Poor Jack!

What I was surprised was that there were lots of Chinese and Korean people sightseeing. Maybe they were having Chinese New Year holidays.

Day 2, it started to rain in the morning and then it changed to snow. 

We went to Hakone-Yumoto. There are many hot-spa inns and souvenir shops there. Yoshi checked some word-of-month website and find this curry and rice restaurant called 箱根カレー心 -Cocoro-. It was so two thumbs up! You must go when you visit Hakone!

In the evening we went to 塔ノ沢一の湯本館 for a hot-spa because it was free for us! They are hotel-chain. When you are a customer of any of the hotel, you can go to every hot-spa for free. We took the chance. It was really really good!

Day 3, .. Time flys, it is the day we have to come back home.. 

Feb2013 箱根旅行

  

 

 

not only beautiful

February 7, 2013 

It was nice'n sunny this morning. I took Jack to 清里の森. This park is one of my favorite dog walks. Snow was still piled up to my knees. Jack seemed to have a big fun. I like to see Yatsugatake with clear blue sky behind it. The contrast of sky blue and snow white is just heavenly.

I let Jack off the leash for a while. I throw a ball and we chased each other. Then I put him back on a leash and walk around the park. I was so happy until I found it. It was ... a dead animal laid on a handicapped ramp. I am not sure what it was because it lost its head and all the inside... a hollow chest with fur and hind legs were everything left. It could be a fawn but I couldn't identify. 

This kind of stuff goes on in a beautiful place like this. For wild animals it is not at all a big deal whether their habitat is beautiful or not. It happens. They are just trying to live. Just trying to keep their own life continue until it ends. No more, no less. It is so simple.

寒いほどお得フェア

February 5, 2013 

It is February. The outside temperature hit 5 degrees below zero. Do you know what happens here in Southern Yatsugatake? You will get 50% discount at restaurants, cafes and other shops! Don't you think it is uplifting? 

In February every year, an event called 寒いほどお得フェア -Get Cooler Get Better-Deal Fair- takes places in Kiyosato, Yatsugatake.

I was going to have lunch with my neighbor at some Japanese restaurant today. Before noon I went for walk with Jack to Kiyosato and happened to check the signboard of a shop that said "50% off today." Immediately I emailed her and we definitely changed the destination! (Sorry to the Japanese restaurant.We will visit next time!)