Course of matter
1️⃣ At the end of 2023, due to a cultural misunderstanding, I blocked an author after they unfo me. And because of the misunderstanding, I have post a "will not forgive" tweet without naming anyone.
At the same time, after blocking her, I avoided everything about her because of sadness.
2️⃣ What I didn't expect was that after I blocked her, she observed my account with other accounts for more than a year.
And she considers all my negative tweets I've sent are threatening and defaming her.
3️⃣ At the end of 2024, I post a poll in which someone chose the "get out" option, and this kind of direct attack disturbed me greatly.
Again, a lot of upset tweets.
But I still never named any author, let alone doubted an author I had long thought I had lost contact with.
However, she still thought that I was attacking her, so she sent me a private message through other one and made the following demands:
① She asked me not to mention anything between her and me anywhere and in any form.
② She required me to withdraw from all Fafner-related fan events in which she will attend.
③She asked me to provide proof that I had received psychological treatment.
④If I violate these three demands, she will report me for personal assault and threatening her, and report it to my university.
Further explanation
1️⃣ On Chinese sns "WEIBO", unfo sb. who are following you are less common than unfo meanwhile remove, which are seen as a sign of disgust and rejection (you can be my fan, but I don't want to see you).
I think maybe she didn't like some neta I used in fanarts so she unfo me, and because her DM was not open at that time, I commented to ask her about why she unfo me. I did not receive a reply for a long time, so I felt uneasy that maybe I did offend her without knowing it. I panicked and chose to block her, tweeted "will not forgive" whithout mentioning her in a panic.
About this, I have already apologized to her for the misunderstanding.
And that's the only thing I'm willing to admit I was wrong.
2️⃣ Everyone who follows me may have seen more or less the negative tweets of my lonely mood at night, including some very scary content, including "want to revenge and fight back", "kill" and "die" words.
But those tweets are accompanied by memories of people who hurt me in the past. In the past, I was abused and bullied and then gave up school without any resisting. I was very disappointed in myself cuz I havent fought back. So when I got upset, I tend to use horrible words to make myself looks "hard to bully."
But it's true that the tweets never targeted anyone by name. I recall those who bullied me, and in fact I have long since cut off contact with those bullies .
In order not to make people who follow me feel uncomfortable, I would more or less deleted these tweets when I calmed down.
But the author mentioned above, after I blocked her and wanted to disconnect, continued to follow my tweets and thought all my negative tweets were threatening her.
Though I had not mention her id and never sended her any threatening message, she still thought my negative tweets are only aimed at her, the reason is that I have blocked her.
But in fact, because of my own sensitivity, I have blocked hundreds of people. It also includes some people who have absolutely nothing to do with fan creation, and there is no need for me to block a person and then continue to obsessively attack it. Because blocking means disconnection to me.
I myself have kept avoid seeing her tweets and any other account.
3️⃣ As mentioned above, I received a vote that said get out of Fafner. So in a panic, I tweeted, "Preventing me from creating is a capital crime in my eyes."
But as we all know, Twitter has no way of seeing voter ids, so my comments are not aimed at anyone at all.
I can also swear that I didn't even think that the person who voted for this option were her cuz I thought we were completely disconnected (and I still don't doubt it because you know I do can't see voter's id).
4️⃣About her demands
①Stating for my past negative tweets to explain to the people who follow me, would be seen as discussing the matter; My discussions with my family and friends including seeking legal assistance are also counted as discussions on this matter.
In other words, the above actions are considered by her to be against her requirements.
After I beged her to stop watching my tweets, she denied my request in order to monitor my compliance with her demands. That is, after I had avoided seeing her for more than a year, she continued to secretly follow my tweets with other accounts. And she wants all the decisions to be hers
② She thinks that I have the possibility of hurting her offline, so she forbid me to attend any fan offline activities she wants to attend, and as demand ①, I am forbiddened mentioning to others that not to participate in the activity is her request.
Honestly, I have already become hesitant to continue to participate in offline activities because my reality life has become busy, but this is my personal choice.
In addition to the school activities in Japan, fan events are important to me as a social way.
Meanwhile, I did participated in comic city 15 in Japan before, and I did not do anything illegal or inappropriate at that event.
I have also met many friends at official events and have not behaved inappropriately.
In reality, I also get along well with foreign students and Japanese teachers on other occasions.
I can apologize for my past misunderstanding, but I refuse to be judged and restricted for something I did not do.
However, the other party and the speaker for her repeatedly mentioned my autism and depression, and used this as a reason to constantly emphasize that "I am a patient, so there must be something wrong with my mind", and even suggested that she must see my medical certificate, which involves privacy.
In pain, I did mention this to my parents and friends on Sunday, but my parents reacted strongly to it, thinking that I should not give my private information to others casually, and asked to talk to the other party directly. But I thought it was my business and said no.
④ The other party continued to watch my twitter after I blocked her, and after learning that I planned to enter Waseda University, she threatened to report me and make the university reject me. I will discuss the response to this in the following paragraphs.
About the attitude displayed by them
In addition to the above requirements, after I publicly apologized for the misunderstanding I did have, the other side kept asking me to accept all the accusations of her in an all-round way with the reason of "not believing me" when I explained it.
I was repeatedly attacked as mentally unstable and dangerous, and as an irresponsible adult.
When I said I wanted to discuss it openly, they rejected me again and again.
I have a hard time understanding this attitude. It's a contradiction to me.
At the same time, they implied that if I went this matter public, other authors would just stay away from me.
At the same time mentioned the gap in the number of fans, painting skills, etc. between she and me as a reason that that they think that if I talked about this matter, other authors would just run away from me. Which further hurt my heart.
There are even statements such as "Social people sometimes have to apologize for things they have not done" and they are worried that I will commit suicide when I found out no one would support me, so for my own good, I'd better follow these rules and say nothing.
This is very painful for me.
The steps I've taken so far
1️⃣ I heaven't talked about this thing with other authors, but since it is related to my real life, so for consideration, I have discussed the law and various aspects with my parents and my teachers.
Including my negative tweets mentioned by the other party.
I think I have the right to ask the people around me for help when I am afraid.
2️⃣ This incident has really made me more hesitant to continue to participate in offline activities.
I personally would like to meet other fafner fans offline and even become friends... Even though my personal life doesn't allow me to participate, I still want to fit in.
You can even say that one of the reasons for me to study in Japan is for this.
But now the situation makes me fear for my personal safety. I'm so sad. I'm really so sad.
3️⃣ About my treatment. My personal treatment process is my privacy. What I can say is that I'm on medication. And the counselors I've worked with for a long time can attest to my character and safety.
To my followers, I want to say
In 2015, the academic pressure made my psychological trauma attack, and I began to show obvious depression. At that time, I thought that the abuse and pain I encountered was a sign that Fate hated me and forced me to leave, and it was painful every day.
Then, by chance, I came into with Fafner, and I also came into with the fanwork of authors in other countries.
So Fafner and Sound Horizon I loved and still love today, became the two pillars of my soul.
Many years later, now I have the ability to create fan work, the ability to do something for kazusou. So I put all my heart and soul into it.
It also led me to start posting about my personal life on the same platform where I post my work.I poured out my emotions on the Internet like a child.
Also because of fear of being forgotten by everyone, has been keeping asking for retweets... It's really rude and make it seem like I don't care about your support.
I'm sorry about that... I did decide to fix everything now.
People send me supportive comments, I actually read and read again in private.
In the future, I will learn to express my gratitude frankly in a way that is easier for people to understand.
I will control my emotions and not let my past become a shadow that will hurt others.
And regarding the matter mentioned above, I don't want to talk about it again.
I don't want any more shadows to hurt me or indirectly hurt anyone else further.
陌枫°
2025/1/15