I finally get some free time to blog and change the layout to something to celebrate the new year and also as a tribute to Memoirs of a Geisha! This is my first post in the new year so I would like to reflect upon the happenings of 2005. Last year was horrible for me... finding out that my mother had stomach cancer (which is very common in asian countries and people of asian ancenstry), quitting a job where I liked most of my co-workers, having my baby chihuahua stolen, moving again!, and ultimately my mother succumbing to the cancer that was eating away at her. Although, in terms of fansubbing, it was a great year for SARS. Through it's many incarnations, SARS was able to survive and make it past its 1st year (our anniversary was back in August). I'm thankful to be working with these talented, dedicated and trusted individuals. I love each and every one of you for dedicating yourself to the art of fansubbing.
But without the fans, all of this fansubbing would've gone unnoticed. So, you the viewers are a part of the equation also. With that in mind, I want to thank all the fans for their continuous support.
It's been a little bit more than a month that my mom has passed away... but somehow it feels like she's still here with me. I guess a part of me doesn't want to believe that she's physically not here any longer, and another part of me realizes the brutal reality that I won't ever see her again. What I've learned is that life is cruel and short. We take many things for granted and never learn to appreciate them until it's out of our grasp.
My mother was a wonderful woman--yes, I know that everyone says that about someone when they pass away... but my mother was truly an incredible woman. She was someone that I strived to be--smart, loving, supportive, caring, and most importantly selfless. In essence, she died creating a future for her 10 children. From out of the welfare-supported housing systems, to a brand new 5 bedroom house (her room has a lounge area and a fireplace!), she accomplished everything on her own after my father left over 10 years ago. 1992 was the year my father left out of his own free will. Yes, he was the breadwinner and my mom was a lowly homemaker. So, he practically left us 10 children and my mother for dead. 2005 -- thirteen years later, in a cruel twist of fate, we lose our mother as well. Ten children now orphans.
It was barely a year after my mother had settled in with a new house, new car, new business when we found out that her constant hospital visits was from the results of cancer. It was an aggressive and progressive cancer which has no known origin. The doctor claimed that her life expectancy was 2 months to a year. I didn't want to hear such stupid calculations on my mom's life. Who is the doctor to say that she has only a year to live! Is he God? No, but maybe this was my own insane reasoning to not deal with the facts. On the day of her death, I sat there next to her deathbed and watched her slowly lose consciousness. She was breathing with only 1 lung because the other was filled with liquid from the cancer. Eventually, her other lung gave out and her breathing became more shallow. My older sister and I yelled at her to breathe! She took a few breaths and I saw the color in her face turn purple... that's when I knew that she was already slipping away.
Today, a month and seven days after, I take this time out to blog about her and share my feelings for all to read which I promised (and wanted) to do.
Mom, where ever you are right now, I hope that you have found happiness and eternal peace because you deserve it. Our pain and loss will last for the rest of our lives, but the memories that you have left us will keep us going. I <3 You Mom.