could have stopped it

 

I allowed my panic disorder to get the best of me, i had fears building inside me, I kept forgetting to take the medication for it, I tried desperately to reach out, but I was just too embarrassed I think, I was ashamed of how I would appear by asking for things that seemed so trivial, and i basically denied myself the things that could have stopped it.

 And the end, well, now, I am more ashamed and and embarrassed than i ever thought possible, and not only that, but I managed to drive away the person I truly loved most in this world.

I'm just numb right now, if it werent for Steven, I dont know what I would even want with being on this earth at all. I keep wanting to wake up and believe that its not true, but I dont. I think I pretty much pushed his heart towards someone else anyways, now its just one breath at a time :( I love you more than anything Jeff Molloy, and I'll be eternally sorry.