Hello Rio,
I am now writing at your picture stand with your picture your mother sent me. I wonder when you took that picture? You look good and handsome, just like your father. Just kidding. You look much better than I do and you look young and ambitious. And you will stay the same forever while I am getting older with my face turning to look much older. In that sense, you are more fortunate than I am as you need not worry about getting old and weaker with a lot of illness awaiting you. Looking into your eyes, you seem to be staring at me being with me right now. I love you, Rio, and I miss you very much.
Today I took a day off to think about you mourning your death. I went to a Miyazaki Camera shop to print out your picture from a memory stick and put it in a picture frame. Now you are sitting side by side with your grandpa and grandma. From now on, I will see you every day and probably speak to you often. When I talk to you, do not ignore me, will you? By the way, I got another email from your mother telling me that you have been tested negative as far as the new coronavirus goes. It doesn’t matter now, does it? But thanks to the result of the test, it appears that your body will soon be returned to your mother and your funeral will be held eventually in a day or two. It might happen either on Saturday or Sunday when you will lose your body after the ceremony and it will be turned to ashes. Again, it doesn’t matter, does it? You have already departed from your body and now watching us from up there, wherever it is. I wonder when you are coming back? No idea, huh. Well, before you come back in your next life, we will very likely meet where you are now. I am looking forward to it. It should happen not in such a long time.
I got another video footage from your mother in which you are doing a lot of smooth tricks with your knife and a tool, which I don’t know how it is called. You know what I mean? That video was taken a few years ago and you were wearing a Benihana’s uniform. Was that time one of your good times in your life? I sometimes wonder if you had some good times in either in Canada or America? Most of the times when you sent me messages, you were in trouble physically and/or financially, and only a few messages carried an enjoyable tone, as far I remember. I may be wrong, so I will read all the messages we exchanged in the past years to find out more about you and see if I had done enough for your sake. There may have been something I should have or could have done more for you as a father, which may have given you a happier life even to a small degree at each time. Meaningless to do that? It may be, but probably all the fathers who were in my shoes would do the same; as a father who lost a beloved child all of a sudden.
You may be laughing now at what I am rumbling about looking at your picture. How long do I do that? Well, I don’t know. This may be the last letter to you or there may be some more to come. Writing about you is my way of mourning for your death while thinking about you; this way, I will engrave your memory in me for the rest of my life. So, please do not laugh at me, Rio, and hear me out being patient and kind.
It is getting late again. I got to go to bed. If you feel like it, do appear in my dream, will you? I have waited for three nights, but you have never appeared in any of the dreams I had. Are you thinking you are still alive, Rio? That is not the case. Wake up, Rio! Face reality. Now you are free to go anywhere and you can even come to my dream if you so desire. So, see you soon in my dream, Rio. I’m waiting for you.
I said this many times and you have had it, I know, but let me say it to my heart’s content, please. I love you, Rio, and I miss you a lot. Keep smiling and rest in peace.
To my son, Rio,
From Your DAD
I am now writing at your picture stand with your picture your mother sent me. I wonder when you took that picture? You look good and handsome, just like your father. Just kidding. You look much better than I do and you look young and ambitious. And you will stay the same forever while I am getting older with my face turning to look much older. In that sense, you are more fortunate than I am as you need not worry about getting old and weaker with a lot of illness awaiting you. Looking into your eyes, you seem to be staring at me being with me right now. I love you, Rio, and I miss you very much.
Today I took a day off to think about you mourning your death. I went to a Miyazaki Camera shop to print out your picture from a memory stick and put it in a picture frame. Now you are sitting side by side with your grandpa and grandma. From now on, I will see you every day and probably speak to you often. When I talk to you, do not ignore me, will you? By the way, I got another email from your mother telling me that you have been tested negative as far as the new coronavirus goes. It doesn’t matter now, does it? But thanks to the result of the test, it appears that your body will soon be returned to your mother and your funeral will be held eventually in a day or two. It might happen either on Saturday or Sunday when you will lose your body after the ceremony and it will be turned to ashes. Again, it doesn’t matter, does it? You have already departed from your body and now watching us from up there, wherever it is. I wonder when you are coming back? No idea, huh. Well, before you come back in your next life, we will very likely meet where you are now. I am looking forward to it. It should happen not in such a long time.
I got another video footage from your mother in which you are doing a lot of smooth tricks with your knife and a tool, which I don’t know how it is called. You know what I mean? That video was taken a few years ago and you were wearing a Benihana’s uniform. Was that time one of your good times in your life? I sometimes wonder if you had some good times in either in Canada or America? Most of the times when you sent me messages, you were in trouble physically and/or financially, and only a few messages carried an enjoyable tone, as far I remember. I may be wrong, so I will read all the messages we exchanged in the past years to find out more about you and see if I had done enough for your sake. There may have been something I should have or could have done more for you as a father, which may have given you a happier life even to a small degree at each time. Meaningless to do that? It may be, but probably all the fathers who were in my shoes would do the same; as a father who lost a beloved child all of a sudden.
You may be laughing now at what I am rumbling about looking at your picture. How long do I do that? Well, I don’t know. This may be the last letter to you or there may be some more to come. Writing about you is my way of mourning for your death while thinking about you; this way, I will engrave your memory in me for the rest of my life. So, please do not laugh at me, Rio, and hear me out being patient and kind.
It is getting late again. I got to go to bed. If you feel like it, do appear in my dream, will you? I have waited for three nights, but you have never appeared in any of the dreams I had. Are you thinking you are still alive, Rio? That is not the case. Wake up, Rio! Face reality. Now you are free to go anywhere and you can even come to my dream if you so desire. So, see you soon in my dream, Rio. I’m waiting for you.
I said this many times and you have had it, I know, but let me say it to my heart’s content, please. I love you, Rio, and I miss you a lot. Keep smiling and rest in peace.
To my son, Rio,
From Your DAD