Hit-Chanのワクワクしてるよ!(Hit-Chan's WakuWaku Life!)

Hit-Chan's exciting life in MN!

人生の第3章 (Chapter 3 in My Life)

2019-03-08 15:50:08 | Hit-chanとバシャール(Bashar)

How's everything in your life?

The other day, I heard this sad news.


Luke Perry acted Dylan Mckay in the drama, Beverly Hills 90210, just passed away from a stroke at the age of 52.


I was watching the drama from when I was in junior high and it was the biggest trigger to make me have the dream, "I wanna live in the US someday!"

It's already been over 20 years since then.

In the drama, the story started that the main characters, Brandon&Brenda, moved to Beverly Hills from Minnesota. And it makes me feel weird about the coincidence that the young girl who used to be crazy about the drama is now living in MN.

Besides that, the town which Brandon&Brenda came from was Wayzata where I used to work and I got to know it a couple of years ago through my friend, Brenda. Yeah, the same name as the character.

When I heard about Luke Perry's death, I remembered back my old days in Japan, "There were a lot of ups and downs back then, but it was very thrilling everyday."

At the same time that I recalled my young days, I strongly felt the brevity of human life from the age of 52 when Luke ended his life too.

Just as the title today, I'm feeling that I've started the chapter 3 in my life since May-chan was born.

In the chapter 1 in my life, I was born and raised in Japan and had the big, but vague dream, "Live in the US and have a happy family there!" when I was 15 or so and I worked hard to get closer to my goal everyday.

In chapter 2, I met Andy and moved to MN and started my brand new life here. I got a great joy from my big accomplishment to make my dream come true. Then, I stepped in the different culture for the first time in my life and tried so hard to learn how to swim in the ocean of English. Through a lot of kicking-my-own-butt days, I could meet wonderful friends.

Thankfully, I could make both 1 and 2 chapters in my life very meaningful and enjoyable even with a lot of drama.

Now, when I'm standing at another turning point in my life, I'm spending more time to think about how I want to live for the rest of my life.

And what's different in chapter 3 from 1&2 is that I don't have any clear and specific goal like "I wanna be this! I wanna do it!"

Who I am is able to purely keep trying hard on one thing as far as I know what I want to accomplish even if it'd take forever.

In chapter 1, I used to keep doing something to go forward through the back and forth day by day as thinking how I could get closer to my dream. And it was my happiness every time I could feel that I'd taken a step closer to "Live in the US".

Also in chapter 2, I had a lot of thrilling experiences too. I had this goal, "Get used to the new life here and work using English." I still remember how super nervous I was when I had the first interview for the Caribou job and how super scared I was when I first drove a car in the public road too. I ended up working at Caribou almost for 7 years.

Though, in the beginning of chapter 3, I don't have a strong desire or passion which makes me keep thinking, "I really wanna do this!"

I always had a big thirst and couldn't stand the situation at the time in the first two chapters.

I always felt it so empty to see my dream still very far from where I was and felt it painful to take forever to make progress to the goal. Though, those bitter days motivated me to keep trying.

However, I'm now in the middle of my dream I used to long for. I'm living in the US and I have a perfect family in my hands.

It's extremely lucky and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart every single day.

Even though, I still feel something missing in my heart.

Like I said, I can't want anymore for what's around me. I've already got everything I wanted.

But, what about myself? Even in the ideal situation, I'm not who I want to be yet.

There's still some gaps between who I am and who I want to be and they create helplessness and inferiority complex in me.

So, I really want to start working on filling the gaps in chapter 3.

It'll be probably more difficult to keep myself motivated since it's not going to be like waking on one big road straight to a clear goal and I wouldn't have a big thirst like I did in the first two chapters.

Plus that, nobody else wouldn't even care or notice it even if I get closer to who I want to be or not.

Even though, you know, I still don't want to make it okay with staying who I am.

Needless to say, as Andy's wife and May-chan's mother, I want to become who I want to be and plus that, I want to be who I can be confident with who I am.

I talked a lot today, but speaking of my blog, I used to write about my feelings more often.

To me, this blog is a tool to express my honest feelings, a process to make myself listen to my own words and a method to organize my rondom thoughts and remind myself what I really want to do.

So, it might be boring words, but I'll still want to write my honest thoughts sometimes from now on.

Okay, this is all today. Thank you for reading again.

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夢だけど夢じゃなかった!(It was only a dream, but it wasn't!)

2017-01-29 10:52:46 | Hit-chanとバシャール(Bashar)

How are you doing today?

I'm doing pretty good.

So, the other day, a new team member joined the Caribou I work at and in the moment I met her, I couldn't help saying "Oh!"

Because I saw this one her chest.

Yup, middle Totoro!!!

I was so excited and said


Then, she was excited too and said

"Yeah! Nobody's ever noticied it!"


And on a different day, Andy and I watched a Japanese movie called "The Last Dance" directed by Juzo Itami and there's a scene that they recited one of the Buddhist scriptures called "Heart Sutra" at the end of the movie.

I've never thought what tells in "Heart Sutra", but we were watching the movie with English subtitles which unexpectedly brought me a chance to touch the meaning.

その映画の英語字幕では"Everything is illusion."とような事が書いてあって、つまりは「この世の全ては幻想である。」という意味になります。
The subtitles in the movie was saying like "Everything is illusion."

When I read it, I thought "Oh, that's same philosophy Bashar was saying."

Some days after we watched the movie, I met the girl with the Totoro tatoo at work.

When I saw her Totoro, what crossed my mind was this line in the Totoro movie, "It was only dream, but it wasn't!" which May and Satsuki said.

It was a while ago that I watched the movie last, but when I heard that memorable line, I also thought that it's pretty similar to what Bashar says, "Reality equals Illusion"

I watched the Japanese movie and got captured by the Buddhist sutra and the Totoro tatoo reminded me of the line "It was only a dream, but it wasn't!"...

Thanks to these 2 completely different incidents but somehow linked, I could remember my life philosophy, "Any imagination can become reality."

When I was in Japan, I was living everyday more focused on those kind of thoughts and my dreams, but since I moved here, I've been too busy thinking about daily work to picture future dreams in my head.

Obviously, the reason why I don't spend much time to dream a dream anymore is because I made the strongest dream in my life, "Have a happy family in the US", come true thanks to my loving husband.

Even though, I still have dreams for the rest of my life.

Those 2 incidents in the beginning of this year reinspired me to know how important it is to take each action as following your heart and dreams.

Anyways, I just thought that I want to believe in infinite potential of my life and make more dreams!

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自分を疑うという事 (Why We Have Doubt In Our Potential)

2014-09-10 18:37:23 | Hit-chanとバシャール(Bashar)

How are you doing today?

I'm having yesterday and today off and being lazy and peaceful.

I had a Skype chat with my mom for 2 hours yesterday.

During that, I talked to mom that I recently read some old articles of her blog and it made me see a part of me which had hidden for a while.

Especially when I just survived cancer about 5 years ago, I was so pure and bright like "I can do anything, yay!" as if Super Mario got a star.

At that time, I had a huge dream to come to the US and have a happy family, so it required me as much energy to accomplish it as a star Mario.

Through seeing myself in the past, the pure feeling which I hadn't had for a while came back to my heart, which made me remember that writing my blog itself gives me a lot of inspirations.

While I was chatting with my mom, I thought "I haven't written about the philosophies which makes who I am on my blog for a long time." So, I decided to write one here today.

First off, the definitions of all the things in the universe are made by each one of you, so I want to introduce mine which is also just one of infinite perspectives.

I basically believe "Everyone has infinite potential and can do anything."

You might have cheer somebody or yourself by saying "Believe in yourself."

Me, no matter how big the dream is, I always think "If you believe in your infinite potential, you can do it!" and take actions to make it true, but sometimes I get overwhelmed by some fear or worries.

Even though I try to think "I can do it, I can do it!", my heart hesitates to take the next step.

Through I had the experience over and over, I started to think "Why can't I stop having fear or worry? Does it mean that I still doubt in my potential? Then, how can I 100% believe in myself?"

One day, when I was reading a Bashar book, I ran into the page where he was taking about "The state when you 100% believe in yourself"

He explains when you 100% believe in yourself, it's just like you standing up.
(Of course, this example is supposed to be for someone who can sit and stand up without difficulty.)

In other words, if you're sitting at home now and want to get up to do something like "I'll go to the bathroom." or "I'll drink milk in the fridge," would you guys necessarily think about something?

Probably, you wouldn't think about anything special and would just get up and do whatever you want to do.

That is "The state you 100% believe in yourself".

When you get up to do chores or something, you usually wouldn't worry like "Can I stand up? Maybe, can't I?"

Yeah, because you believe in yourself 100%.

When I read that part in the book, I thought "Oh, that's the state when you completely believe in yourself! Then, it would be awesome if I can stay like that and accomplish dreams without any fear or dream!!!"

But at the next moment when I imagined what it would be like accomplishing anything without any fear or worry, I wondered, "Oh wait, is it really that awesome?"

What if you can stay in the "100% believing in yourself"state and go through the entire process to make your dreams come true? What if you can do anything as if you just get up to do some chores? Would you still be able to feel so excited when you see the dreams happening in front of your eyes? I assume that you wouldn't feel so excited as you can now.

Seriously, you don't get excited like when a handicapped person standing up from a wheel chair when you get up in the daily life.

So, by having a doubt in your potential, I assume that you can increase the amount of excitement and happiness when you go through the process or accomplish your dreams.

Before I got the perspective, I tried not to see fear or worry in me and defined them just a barrier to block my dream from happening. Though, since when I started thinking like "Oh, this worry is coming to maximize my excitement! That's why I wanted to doubt in myself anyways." and now, I think all the fears and worries as great spices to make my life much more delicious.

I personally live in every single moment to enjoy all the kinds of excitement I could feel in my life. So, after all, I think neither 100% believing in yourself nor 100% doubting in yourself, but the best combination of both creates more and stronger excitements in your life.

It sounds way far from being excited to be worried or scared, but if you think that they're for making your life more excited and happier, you can like them.

Anyways, if you get scared and hesitate to do what you really want to do sometime, you can push the fear away like "Go away!", but you can also say "Oh, come on great spices!" too. I hope you can choose either you like and make your life more exciting.

Okay, it's got so long, but this is a part in my brain. Thanks.

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より、なりたい自分へ(To Become What I Want To Be)

2014-04-27 22:43:04 | Hit-chanとバシャール(Bashar)

How are you doing?

Here in MN, it's been raining a few days in preparation for summer.

Thanks to this rain, Andy and I found out that we needed to repair some things of our house again.

Last spring, we had a huge water damage in our basement, but we got some water there again though it's not as bad as the last time. So, we're thinking to replace our gutters or something as soon as possible.

So, I think that I've mentioned about this here a few times before, but I'm feeling that this year is one of the biggest turning points in my life.

First, I decided to quit the tutoring job that I'd done about 1 year or so since my life is going to start changing in May.

I actually had a meeting with the boy's mom the other day and she kindly told me

"I really appreciate you for tutoring my son. I wanted to say thank you in person, so I asked you to have time to see me like this."

Her words made me so happy and moved.

Besides the sweet words, she gave me this too.

It looks so delicious, doesn't it? Basically, cake in the us is too sweet to me, but I really liked this one! I bet it's because she's Japanese. Haha.

I actually hadn't had a chance to talk with her about things other than tutoring things or small greetings, so it was really nice that we could have a fun time to talk about many other things just as friends that day.

In fact, I was a little bit depressed before the meeting with her, but her grateful words made my heart so fulfilled with happiness and appreciation.

Through this tutoring job, I could receive such a wonderful comment and feel like "Oh, I was fine." but everything hasn't being that way and I've had many things which make me wonder "Am I doing okay?" this year.

Of course, if you're being yourself and being happy at that same time, that's totally great, but I've caused a lot of things to hurt others or make things go uncomfortable by my actions or words lately.

If it's against someone else, it might be a matter of chemistry, but I think that the reason why you get in unwanted situation is in yourself.

The last some years, my life has been exactly what I dreamed when I was little and I've been having the happiest time in my life. On the other hand, I guess I haven't needed as much time to talk to myself as before.

A word from my favorite Bashar says "The only rule in the universe is what you give is what you receive."

When I hear that word now, I realize that I might have made words and actions without having it in mind these days.

Through being in some depression moments, my heart somehow gets tired, but those happenings are telling me "You're not being what you want to be now." So, I want to face to myself to become perfectly what I want to be without getting crabby or pessimistic.

Okay, bye for now.

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自分と向き合うという事。(Facing to yourself)

2013-08-01 18:21:56 | Hit-chanとバシャール(Bashar)
Hi there!

How are you doing, everybody?

I'm doing okay.

So..., I've not written about this stuff for a while, but I want to do it today. Yeah, I'll talk about another thought of mine.

Do you often face to yourself?

I mean, do you think about what you want to be or how you want to live your life a lot?

Me? Yeah, I always try to face to myself when I get stuck in a uncomfortable or unsatisfactory situation.

Situations like when things don't go as I expected, others' words confuse me or the weakness frustrates me.

When I was in Japan, I used to talk to somebody, talk to myself as walking alone or write my confused thoughts down on a notebook.

Through those processes, I calmly asked myself face to face.


"What makes me so afraid?" "Why am I so frustrated?" "Am I doing what I really want to do right now?"...

Actually, there is no need for you to change the circumstances or others around to know your true heart at all.

Your true and pure heart is showing up by cutting all the material limits you created off.

Then, you don't have to meaninglessly get frustrated or blame on the situation or others. You don't have to say that you lost your motivation just by somebody else's words.

By drawing an ideal yourself more clear, the gap between the current yourself and the ideal yourself comes up and you can figure out that which piece of yourself to change to complete the puzzle.

My favorite book, Bashar, says "Even if you can change others, you can not. The easiest way to change your world is change yourself."

When I heard that, I completely agreed.

Here and now, you're the one who chooses to stay in the situation after all. It's you and nobody else.

So, every time I bumped into a wall, I faced to myself and tried to figure out which part in me created the unsatisfactory situation and how I could change myself to create the satisfactory situation. And I really practiced it.

Even though I sometimes had a fear to take another step forward, I could produce courage enough to get over it as imagining my ideal picture behind the step.

Above all, I just wanted to choose to be where I want to be rather than where I don't want to be.

Like that, through I've been changing myself, there exists a lot of what I wanted to be are what I am now.

After all, what I wanted to say is you might get stuck in an unsatisfactory or uncomfortable situation from now.

But, if you really, really, really want to get out of there and make it better, I want you to stop meaninglessly making others or the material limits an excuse and start facing to yourself.

And I think, the moment you feel like "I'll change." and take a first action to change yourself, you already changed.

Anyways, I hope you are already in a happy and desired situation here and now.

So, I'm glad that I wrote about my thought to remind myself of it today.

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